1 00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:07,520 (Taskmaster theme music) 2 00:00:35,260 --> 00:00:36,540 - Hello! 3 00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:39,320 Welcome, welcome, welcome. 4 00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:42,340 It's episode five and I'm raring to go. 5 00:00:42,340 --> 00:00:45,040 Look at me I'm raring, I've just had a massive coffee. 6 00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:47,780 My insides are bubbling, I have no idea what might happen. 7 00:00:47,820 --> 00:00:49,940 I'm genuinely having a panic attack. 8 00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:52,220 So, before I pass out, 9 00:00:52,220 --> 00:00:55,560 let's quickly meet our five contestants, and get on with the show. 10 00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:57,760 Please give a huge round of applause for: 11 00:00:57,880 --> 00:00:59,560 David Baddiel 12 00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:01,840 Ed Gamble 13 00:01:02,180 --> 00:01:03,780 Jo Brand 14 00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:06,140 Not Katy Wix 15 00:01:06,540 --> 00:01:08,860 And Rose Matafeo. 16 00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:10,960 (Applause) 17 00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:14,260 And within perfect swiping reach is a man 18 00:01:14,260 --> 00:01:16,680 who's the living definition of wishy-washy. 19 00:01:16,780 --> 00:01:20,440 Because he washes my dishes, and he wishes he could meet his hero, 20 00:01:20,460 --> 00:01:22,120 the singer Pink. 21 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:25,140 (Laughter) 22 00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:30,380 It's little Alex Horne. 23 00:01:31,020 --> 00:01:33,380 - I think she's a great singer, and a good role model. 24 00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:35,680 Thank you, Greg. 25 00:01:36,020 --> 00:01:38,460 - Now, keener eyes would have observed 26 00:01:38,660 --> 00:01:40,940 that the lovely Katy Wix is not with us tonight. 27 00:01:41,180 --> 00:01:43,840 And it falls upon Alex to explain why. 28 00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:47,140 - Well, very sadly Katy Wix has uh, 29 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:50,920 (Laughter) 30 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:55,200 No, Katy um-- - Do you want me to take over? 31 00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:57,200 She's not dead, just to be clear. 32 00:01:57,300 --> 00:01:59,400 Katy is not very well, I'm afraid. 33 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:01,460 But, she's getting better already, 34 00:02:01,500 --> 00:02:03,480 and she'll join us later in the series. 35 00:02:03,500 --> 00:02:06,940 But in the meantime, we've been rejoined 36 00:02:07,140 --> 00:02:08,460 by an absolute champion. 37 00:02:08,460 --> 00:02:11,400 - She's the winner of series seven of Taskmaster, 38 00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:13,440 it's Kerry Godliman. - Kerry Godliman! 39 00:02:13,980 --> 00:02:16,360 (Applause) 40 00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:18,840 - So excited, so excited. 41 00:02:19,300 --> 00:02:20,640 - Kerry, thank you for stepping in. 42 00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:21,920 - I'm very happy to be here. 43 00:02:21,940 --> 00:02:24,420 - I'm sure you will inhabit... 44 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:26,140 project Katy Wix? 45 00:02:26,140 --> 00:02:27,480 - Inhabit, inhabit. 46 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:29,120 - I'm sure you'll inhabit Katy Wix! 47 00:02:31,460 --> 00:02:34,540 Okay, what is the prize category this week? 48 00:02:34,620 --> 00:02:35,980 - Now you're asking, and the answer 49 00:02:35,980 --> 00:02:39,100 is that they've been asked to bring in the best defunct thing. 50 00:02:39,100 --> 00:02:42,060 - Defunct. - So things that, although defunct, are the best. 51 00:02:42,060 --> 00:02:43,320 Right? - Right. 52 00:02:44,060 --> 00:02:46,680 Rose, what is your defunct item? 53 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:49,200 - My defunct item is 54 00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:51,800 a sharps bin, 55 00:02:52,060 --> 00:02:55,280 filled with used syringes from my flat mate. 56 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:57,120 - Here it is. 57 00:02:59,620 --> 00:03:01,580 - Is your flat mate a heroin addict? 58 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:04,080 - No she has arthritis. 59 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,700 - I mean, keep it light Rose. 60 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:13,120 - In what way is it a defunct thing? 61 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:15,460 - You can't reuse the bin, 62 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:18,560 you can't reuse the syringes, it has to be literally 63 00:03:18,780 --> 00:03:20,160 you know, "psshaah". 64 00:03:21,860 --> 00:03:22,840 - What's that? 65 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:25,500 - There's no doubt that that bin has to be "psshaah". 66 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:30,100 - Thanks, thanks for getting us off to such a fluffy... 67 00:03:31,260 --> 00:03:33,000 light entertainment start. 68 00:03:33,540 --> 00:03:34,460 Jo, 69 00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:37,200 what defunct item have you brought in? 70 00:03:37,420 --> 00:03:39,000 - It is a 71 00:03:39,140 --> 00:03:42,020 Margaret Thatcher nut cracker. 72 00:03:42,220 --> 00:03:44,420 (Laughter) 73 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:48,560 (Applause) 74 00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:51,540 - I mean, I have so many questions. 75 00:03:52,980 --> 00:03:54,080 Is it defunct? 76 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:56,540 - Yeah, well she's defunct for starters. 77 00:03:57,160 --> 00:03:59,060 Also I think, you know 78 00:03:59,100 --> 00:04:01,480 people don't really crack nuts anymore. 79 00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:03,960 That's the sense in which I think it's defunct. 80 00:04:04,020 --> 00:04:06,720 Because you could just buy nuts in a bag. 81 00:04:08,260 --> 00:04:10,200 - You still can buy nuts in a shell. 82 00:04:10,300 --> 00:04:11,480 - I've cracked a nut before. 83 00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:13,120 - Christmas you always crack a nut, right? 84 00:04:13,260 --> 00:04:14,280 - Do you? 85 00:04:15,140 --> 00:04:17,800 - My granddad used to be able to crack a walnut, just with his hand. 86 00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,000 - No. - Yeah. 87 00:04:19,180 --> 00:04:21,400 Other than that, wasn't a very nice man. 88 00:04:23,420 --> 00:04:25,440 - Keep it light, keep it light. 89 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:28,280 (Laughter) 90 00:04:28,860 --> 00:04:30,100 - Kerry. - Yes. 91 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:31,740 - What did Katy bring in? 92 00:04:31,740 --> 00:04:33,980 And can you fill a minute talking about it? 93 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:36,140 - Well, 94 00:04:36,140 --> 00:04:38,740 actually it just so happens that I have got strong feelings 95 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:40,700 about what Katy brought in, so that's fortunate. 96 00:04:40,820 --> 00:04:43,760 She has brought in a five pound Woolworths voucher. 97 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:44,560 - There it is. 98 00:04:45,340 --> 00:04:46,320 - Oh, that's great. 99 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:49,240 - I have no idea why that caused such excitement. 100 00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:50,420 - I think you do. 101 00:04:50,900 --> 00:04:53,740 - And that wasn't one person, that was "Oohhhhhh". 102 00:04:53,740 --> 00:04:57,040 - Because there are people of a certain age that are still grieving. 103 00:04:57,540 --> 00:04:58,380 - Really? 104 00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:00,080 - You could buy all kinds of things, 105 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:03,760 you could buy clothes, you could buy gardening equipment. 106 00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:06,680 Pick 'n' mix, I mean pick 'n' mix it's gone, it's gone. 107 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:10,160 - Yeah, because I like my sweeties with a thin coating 108 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:12,600 of multiple layers of piss. 109 00:05:13,660 --> 00:05:16,220 - Who's pissing in the pick 'n' mix in your house? 110 00:05:16,340 --> 00:05:18,400 - They did a test didn't they, on mints. 111 00:05:18,460 --> 00:05:21,600 There was 400 types on piss on the mint. 112 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:23,480 - I didn't know there were that many types of piss. 113 00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:26,560 - Ahh, it was inaccurate, sue me. 114 00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:28,540 (Laughter) 115 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:30,820 - Edward, what have you brought in? 116 00:05:30,980 --> 00:05:32,300 - I have brought 117 00:05:32,620 --> 00:05:35,380 an extensive guide to the Millennium Dome. 118 00:05:37,540 --> 00:05:40,540 It's got a map, which as you would agree is completely defunct, 119 00:05:40,700 --> 00:05:43,400 'cause I tried to use it to get round the O2 and it was absolutely useless. 120 00:05:44,500 --> 00:05:46,020 - Where did you get it, did you buy it? 121 00:05:46,020 --> 00:05:48,720 - I ordered it on eBay, it was £18. 122 00:05:49,420 --> 00:05:51,180 - What? - It's a collectable. 123 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:54,480 - Well, is it? 'Cause when it arrived I was pretty disappointed. 124 00:05:56,220 --> 00:05:58,120 - David, what's the defunct thing you've brought in? 125 00:05:58,220 --> 00:06:00,240 - Right well, this is what I've brought in. 126 00:06:00,420 --> 00:06:02,040 That's a lovely picture of me 127 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:04,900 with my cat Monkey, that was taken a couple of years ago. 128 00:06:05,100 --> 00:06:06,620 And this is Monkey now. 129 00:06:07,460 --> 00:06:09,540 - [Audience] Awwww. 130 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:14,140 - Keep it light! 131 00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:18,120 - That's a very top quality photograph 132 00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:20,040 you've had taken with you and Monkey, isn't it? 133 00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:22,860 - That's an interview I did in the Daily Telegraph, 134 00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:24,400 about me and Monkey. 135 00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:26,660 - I mean honestly, 136 00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:29,280 it looks like Monkey's being held against his will there. 137 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:31,480 - Hostage situation, likely. 138 00:06:32,900 --> 00:06:35,460 - Okay, we're looking for best defunct, what is the worst defunct? 139 00:06:35,460 --> 00:06:37,520 - Well the worst defunct thing for me, 140 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:40,280 is a bin full of old syringes. 141 00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:41,920 Oh my God, 142 00:06:41,980 --> 00:06:44,540 I mean I can't now imagine that I'm giving 143 00:06:44,740 --> 00:06:48,100 your Millennium thing an extra point, over a bin full of-- 144 00:06:48,100 --> 00:06:51,540 - No, because if you look at-- if you look at best and worst objectively, 145 00:06:51,740 --> 00:06:55,160 a guide to the Millennium Dome is a better thing than a box full of syringes. 146 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:58,340 - Better, I mean I don't think I'm better, or the most defunct thing. 147 00:06:58,340 --> 00:07:00,580 - No it's not most defunct thing, it's best defunct thing. 148 00:07:00,580 --> 00:07:01,900 - Best defunct thing. 149 00:07:01,980 --> 00:07:04,560 - So they're all defunct, and how do we rank them then. 150 00:07:04,660 --> 00:07:06,840 - No that's, that's crazy. 151 00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:09,220 - That's language! - That's crazy! 152 00:07:09,860 --> 00:07:12,360 (Applause) 153 00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:16,180 - So one point to Rose, are we going two points... 154 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:17,800 - To Ed. - Fourth place. 155 00:07:17,820 --> 00:07:20,620 - I'm gonna give three points to Jo Brand. 156 00:07:21,700 --> 00:07:24,560 I'm going to give Kerry/Katy four points. - Four points. 157 00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:26,740 - And in first place 158 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:28,400 with five points, 159 00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:30,640 just because I believe it had an unhappy life 160 00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:32,360 of being held against its will. 161 00:07:32,900 --> 00:07:35,280 I have to do it for... what was his name? 162 00:07:35,300 --> 00:07:37,220 - David Baddiel. Oh Monkey! 163 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:39,700 (Laughter) 164 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:46,200 - Five points and first place goes to the spirit of poor Monkey. 165 00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:48,720 (Applause) 166 00:07:49,660 --> 00:07:53,060 Lovely, right let's get on with the show proper, young Horne. 167 00:07:53,060 --> 00:07:55,840 - Yes, let's please. Yeehaw! 168 00:07:57,640 --> 00:08:00,540 (Taskmaster task ditty) 169 00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:12,660 - That's so sinister. 170 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:16,060 - Hello, I've got a helmet on. 171 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:17,800 - It looks really scary. 172 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:20,840 - "Lasso Alex." 173 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:22,700 - "Lasso Alex." 174 00:08:22,820 --> 00:08:24,180 Lasso, 'lassoo'? 175 00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:26,600 That's a 'lassoo', lasso. 176 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:27,920 - "Lasso Alex." 177 00:08:29,940 --> 00:08:32,740 - "You must stand behind this line, at all times. " 178 00:08:33,340 --> 00:08:35,860 - "Fastest wins, your time starts now." Fastest what? 179 00:08:35,940 --> 00:08:37,300 - Is there a top line? 180 00:08:38,740 --> 00:08:39,940 - Oh, "Lasso Alex." 181 00:08:40,940 --> 00:08:42,560 - Do you just chuck it? 182 00:08:43,500 --> 00:08:46,340 Or do you like, do this? (Laughs) 183 00:08:47,220 --> 00:08:48,860 That was a shit laugh. 184 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:52,140 (Applause) 185 00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:57,320 - Should probably dig into the old 'lassoo, lasso' thing... 186 00:08:57,320 --> 00:08:59,300 - Ohhhh, rather not. 187 00:08:59,300 --> 00:09:00,460 - That a New Zealand thing? 188 00:09:00,740 --> 00:09:02,420 - Well, we don't-- yeah... 189 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:05,860 - Do you want to see some lassoing? 190 00:09:05,860 --> 00:09:07,020 - Yeah, come on. 191 00:09:07,020 --> 00:09:10,460 - Okay, we're gonna start with someone, with the star sign of Pisces, 192 00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:12,500 - Me. - And me. 193 00:09:12,700 --> 00:09:13,900 - It's Katy Wix. 194 00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:18,040 - I'll just do a trial one. 195 00:09:20,620 --> 00:09:23,000 Maybe I'll just try chucking it like this. 196 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:26,100 Needs to be longer. 197 00:09:26,680 --> 00:09:27,960 Oh, I know what you do, 198 00:09:28,180 --> 00:09:30,820 you get it going, and then you slowly let it out, 199 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:32,420 and then... 200 00:09:35,340 --> 00:09:36,040 Ahh. 201 00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:38,580 (Laughter) 202 00:09:40,740 --> 00:09:42,180 Can I make this bigger? 203 00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:44,320 - That's a lot bigger. 204 00:09:46,580 --> 00:09:48,520 - Can you put your head forward? 205 00:09:48,980 --> 00:09:50,300 Okay, ready? - Yes. 206 00:09:52,500 --> 00:09:54,300 - Can you lean forward a bit more? 207 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:56,620 Yeah, that's great. 208 00:09:58,000 --> 00:09:59,400 Ohh, nearly. 209 00:10:00,140 --> 00:10:01,460 Head forward again, please. 210 00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:09,580 That's great. 211 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:12,080 (Applause) 212 00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:15,860 - Best of luck, Kerry. - I don't know how I'm gonna defend that. 213 00:10:15,860 --> 00:10:19,080 - You've got to try and talk yourself into even half a point. 214 00:10:20,300 --> 00:10:22,100 - I don't know what to say, it was awful. 215 00:10:22,340 --> 00:10:23,720 (Laughter) 216 00:10:24,060 --> 00:10:25,880 You do the thing, I've seen the-- 217 00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:28,600 you hoik it, you get all of it involved. 218 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:30,780 and then you go wallop! That's how you do it. 219 00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:33,260 (Applause) 220 00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:35,440 - You go wallop, you always go wallop. 221 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:38,280 - If only we had the bosh queen there. 222 00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:40,440 - She should have called me. 223 00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:45,660 - Right, it's time for me to palm you off on some dirty old adverts now. 224 00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:49,000 And get Alex Horne to reply to all the fan letters I've received, 225 00:10:49,020 --> 00:10:50,940 weirdly from Terence Trent D'Arby. 226 00:10:50,980 --> 00:10:52,820 Bye bye, see you in a minute. 227 00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:54,200 - Oh there's quite a few. 228 00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:56,340 (Applause) 229 00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:03,340 (Applause) 230 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:05,660 - Hello! 231 00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:09,300 You're back, and I'm so glad. 232 00:11:09,340 --> 00:11:12,040 - Yes, and I'm so Alex Horne, it's not even funny. 233 00:11:13,020 --> 00:11:16,220 Before the break, the lovely contestants were taking it in turns to lasso me. 234 00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:19,080 Now it's the turn of Ed, Rose and Jo. 235 00:11:20,020 --> 00:11:22,380 - When did you last eat? - Nine o'clock. 236 00:11:22,580 --> 00:11:24,800 - It's gonna be a while till your next meal. 237 00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:32,760 - Glad you put that visor on. - Hmm. 238 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:35,200 - God dammit. 239 00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:43,020 - Just thinking I might move that line. 240 00:11:45,860 --> 00:11:47,020 - Very low, that one. 241 00:11:47,260 --> 00:11:49,280 I don't think this is proper cowboy rope. 242 00:11:50,900 --> 00:11:52,480 - Can I just move it forward? 243 00:11:57,880 --> 00:11:59,680 (Applause) 244 00:12:00,660 --> 00:12:01,700 - Yeehaw! 245 00:12:02,700 --> 00:12:04,020 I'm a cowboy! 246 00:12:05,380 --> 00:12:06,420 - You're a lot closer. 247 00:12:09,140 --> 00:12:10,820 - Ta-daaaa. - Thanks, Jo. 248 00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:18,320 - Turns out I am shit at lasso, don't look at your watch. 249 00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:24,420 (Audience laughter) 250 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:27,660 - Yeehaw. 251 00:12:27,700 --> 00:12:28,940 - Thank you, Rose. - Thank you. 252 00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:41,240 - Stop the clock. 253 00:12:42,900 --> 00:12:43,900 - Come on. 254 00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:46,640 (Applause) 255 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,940 - Can we just answer Ed's question, it is genuine-- what did you call it? 256 00:12:49,940 --> 00:12:51,640 - Cowboy rope. - Cowboy rope, I wrote that down. 257 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:53,700 "I don't even think this is proper cowboy rope." 258 00:12:53,700 --> 00:12:55,840 - It wasn't, it was too sticky for cowboy rope. 259 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:57,580 It was very sticky rope! 260 00:12:57,580 --> 00:12:59,080 - It was a genuine ranch lasso, 261 00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:01,940 with leather, reinforced honda, waxed. 262 00:13:02,540 --> 00:13:04,540 - You'll notice that Jo Brand, 263 00:13:04,780 --> 00:13:07,960 read the task and then did not move. 264 00:13:09,980 --> 00:13:13,260 Until she worked out a system that involved 265 00:13:14,020 --> 00:13:15,820 basically no movement. 266 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:19,180 - I was doing what I thought was called lateral thinking. 267 00:13:19,180 --> 00:13:20,980 - Classic Taskmaster stuff. - We all did that in the end actually. 268 00:13:20,980 --> 00:13:22,340 - Yeah, I did it in the worst way possible though. 269 00:13:22,340 --> 00:13:23,580 - You say we all did it in the end, 270 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,720 you realised you could move the line, 271 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:28,060 but thought "I won't move it too close." 272 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,120 (Laughter) 273 00:13:30,420 --> 00:13:32,260 - I, I have no defence for that. 274 00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:34,120 - So, tell me some stuff. 275 00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:37,460 - Yeah, well first of all to say that Jo is right, it didn't say you can't move the line. 276 00:13:37,460 --> 00:13:39,200 So, you can move the line, the same in darts. 277 00:13:42,260 --> 00:13:44,060 She did it in 80 seconds. 278 00:13:44,100 --> 00:13:45,600 Rose moved the line after one minute, 279 00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:47,720 but then took another minute and 20 seconds. 280 00:13:48,100 --> 00:13:51,340 - So more than half her time was after she moved the line? 281 00:13:52,940 --> 00:13:54,680 - So, we've got first and second so far, 282 00:13:54,740 --> 00:13:56,800 baring in mind Katy took seven and a half minutes. 283 00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:58,720 Ed, nine and a half minutes. 284 00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:02,240 - If only we had the right rope! 285 00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:05,420 Who is next? 286 00:14:05,500 --> 00:14:07,320 - Here's Uncle Dave. 287 00:14:08,560 --> 00:14:12,200 - Yeeeeeeeehaw! 288 00:14:14,100 --> 00:14:16,700 Uhh, there's another way round this. 289 00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:26,600 Bit better, with the spoon. 290 00:14:26,820 --> 00:14:27,840 - Yeah. 291 00:14:33,900 --> 00:14:35,540 - I have to do the spoons idea. 292 00:14:35,740 --> 00:14:37,060 Ready? - I'm ready. 293 00:14:40,820 --> 00:14:41,740 - Ahhh! 294 00:14:42,540 --> 00:14:44,980 (Audience laughter) 295 00:14:50,460 --> 00:14:53,000 I'll be honest, the spoons haven't helped. 296 00:14:57,520 --> 00:15:00,700 Okay, can you put your head through here when it comes? 297 00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:02,260 It's definitely coming now. 298 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:05,980 Ahh! 299 00:15:06,220 --> 00:15:06,720 Ahh. 300 00:15:07,020 --> 00:15:07,700 Ahhh! 301 00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:10,540 Can you crouch? 302 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:13,100 - Do you mean like, kneel? - No, well kneel if you like. 303 00:15:17,140 --> 00:15:18,140 You don't have to pray. 304 00:15:20,980 --> 00:15:22,980 Okay now just-- No, no, no stay down. 305 00:15:23,220 --> 00:15:24,740 Right, go down a bit more. 306 00:15:24,900 --> 00:15:26,500 Bit more, bit more, bit more. 307 00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:28,840 Okay now just sort of jiggle a bit. 308 00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:31,320 That's it, keep jiggling. 309 00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:32,340 That's it. 310 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:34,060 Good. 311 00:15:34,940 --> 00:15:35,960 Stay there. 312 00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:37,320 - I feel like a pig. - Stay there. 313 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:41,920 (Applause) 314 00:15:49,820 --> 00:15:52,400 - I feel really bad about what I said about Katy now. 315 00:15:53,900 --> 00:15:56,180 - David I would argue, that there is not 316 00:15:56,700 --> 00:15:59,880 one other person on the planet, who would think that 317 00:15:59,900 --> 00:16:03,020 the way to improve your chances at lassoing something, 318 00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:05,720 is to tie wooden spoons to the lasso. 319 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:09,580 - I mean, I honestly thought that was the way forward. 320 00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:11,900 - But the clues were there Dave, 321 00:16:11,900 --> 00:16:13,900 why didn't you stop at two spoons? 322 00:16:15,500 --> 00:16:18,820 It's just, to get inside David's mind when he goes: 323 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,220 "I'm gonna put another spoon on." 324 00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:24,640 - Do you want to know how long he took? 325 00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:26,240 - Yeah, what is my time, I'm interested. 326 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:29,560 - You took slightly longer then all four of the others combined. 327 00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:32,400 (Laughter) 328 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:36,100 - Go David, that's great! 329 00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:38,920 - 24 minutes, 24. - 24 minutes, right. 330 00:16:38,980 --> 00:16:41,360 - Okay, well it's the usual, then we've got two points to-- 331 00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:43,780 -- Ed. - Fair enough. 332 00:16:43,780 --> 00:16:45,700 - Three points to Katy and Kerry, 333 00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:48,220 four points to Rose, but five points to Jo Brand! 334 00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,440 (Applause) 335 00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:54,120 - Good, scoreboard now, you. 336 00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:55,940 - Ed is in last place with four, 337 00:16:56,020 --> 00:16:57,500 but the leader at this point 338 00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:00,240 for the first time I think, is Jo Brand with eight points. 339 00:17:00,380 --> 00:17:02,920 (Applause) 340 00:17:05,340 --> 00:17:07,160 - Right, what's next little Alex Horne? 341 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:09,020 - It's breakfast time for daddy. 342 00:17:10,820 --> 00:17:13,920 (Taskmaster task ditty) 343 00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:24,100 - Hello, Alex. - Oh hello, David. 344 00:17:26,360 --> 00:17:27,920 - May I? - Yes please. 345 00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:29,260 - Mother may I? - Mmm hmm. 346 00:17:29,260 --> 00:17:32,300 - It always seems a shame to break these nice seals. 347 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:37,840 - "Make the most accurate and inventive egg timer." 348 00:17:38,420 --> 00:17:40,920 - "You have 10 minutes to plan your egg timer, 349 00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:43,800 "and then 20 minutes to make your egg timer. 350 00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:45,840 "After which, Alex will boil and egg 351 00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:48,560 "for as long as your egg timer lasts." 352 00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:51,660 - "The Taskmaster likes his eggs runny, 353 00:17:51,700 --> 00:17:53,120 "but not too runny." 354 00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,580 - Hmm, does he indeed. 355 00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:00,120 - "You may not use any preexisting timing devices." 356 00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:01,680 Does that include like, a watch? 357 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:04,320 - Yes, exactly. - You can't look at a watch? 358 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:09,380 It says "Your time starts now", which is ironic, 359 00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:10,960 given what we've just said. 360 00:18:11,620 --> 00:18:13,040 - I think I'm gonna use water. 361 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,200 I need to get the right amount of water, 362 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:17,600 so it's six minutes of dripping onto your head. 363 00:18:17,900 --> 00:18:20,020 - So that is Chinese water torture. - Yeah. 364 00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:20,760 Yeah. 365 00:18:20,820 --> 00:18:23,040 - What's something that only lasts two minutes? 366 00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:25,240 A mint! 367 00:18:27,180 --> 00:18:29,840 - How long does it take me to read a page of The Big Fisherman book. 368 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:34,120 "It was a calm, early summer noon in the southern mountains of Arabia." 369 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:36,040 - I need a pin, 370 00:18:36,220 --> 00:18:38,420 or a sharp object. 371 00:18:38,780 --> 00:18:40,180 - Could you also get me a birthday cake? 372 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:41,480 - Two glass vases. 373 00:18:41,580 --> 00:18:42,780 - A butchers hook. 374 00:18:42,860 --> 00:18:43,900 - Maltesers. 375 00:18:43,900 --> 00:18:45,840 - Can I get a birthday card, just in case? 376 00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:49,180 - You've got one second left. (Blows whistle) 377 00:18:49,620 --> 00:18:52,880 (Laughter and applause) 378 00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:57,480 - My instinct is to ridicule David, 379 00:18:57,480 --> 00:18:59,640 for asking if a watch is a timing device. 380 00:19:00,380 --> 00:19:01,500 But I shan't. - Oh. 381 00:19:01,500 --> 00:19:03,100 - Something else caught my attention, 382 00:19:03,260 --> 00:19:05,500 Well there's two things, one (laughs) 383 00:19:06,380 --> 00:19:07,940 timing how to cook an egg 384 00:19:08,020 --> 00:19:11,180 by reading one page of The Big Fisherman. 385 00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:14,840 But don't worry, you were saved when Rose announced, 386 00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:17,380 that she was going to use a mint. 387 00:19:18,620 --> 00:19:19,880 Famously used 388 00:19:19,940 --> 00:19:22,600 in international time trials. 389 00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:24,780 Who can forget when Roger Bannister 390 00:19:24,780 --> 00:19:26,820 broke the four-mint mile. 391 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:30,160 (Laughter and applause) 392 00:19:32,020 --> 00:19:33,760 - So first we're gonna see David again. 393 00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:35,680 We've all seen how he goes about things, 394 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:38,260 and none of us understand it. Here he goes again! 395 00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:42,120 - Oh bollocks, right, that's alright, that's alright. 396 00:19:42,300 --> 00:19:43,700 I'm just trying to make it look nice. 397 00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:45,080 Oh fuck! 398 00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:46,940 Hold it, hold it. 399 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:49,660 Bollocks. 400 00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:54,480 (Suspenseful music) 401 00:20:13,580 --> 00:20:16,080 (Laughter) 402 00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:38,820 - It stopped. 403 00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:40,920 It stopped, mmm hmm. 404 00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:50,740 (Applause) 405 00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:55,340 - So, let's start with a positive, I thought it looked the part. 406 00:20:55,340 --> 00:20:58,280 I thought it looked like a well-engineered piece of kit. 407 00:20:58,520 --> 00:20:59,640 I don't know what went wrong. 408 00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:02,280 My feeling is, you were under the impression, 409 00:21:02,420 --> 00:21:04,520 that any amount of sand 410 00:21:05,540 --> 00:21:07,200 falling through any hole, 411 00:21:07,380 --> 00:21:09,280 will always be three minutes. 412 00:21:10,420 --> 00:21:12,460 - I seem to remember, I spent quite a lot of time 413 00:21:12,780 --> 00:21:14,940 trying to work out the exact amount of sand. 414 00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:17,000 - Yes, you did some experiments, - Yeah. 415 00:21:17,420 --> 00:21:18,880 - They didn't work. - Okay. 416 00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:22,040 - It took the same time as it takes to cook a three pound lobster, 417 00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:23,780 18 minutes and four seconds. 418 00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:28,180 - Good, David invented a lobster timer. 419 00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:32,060 Okay, time for some commercials. 420 00:21:32,100 --> 00:21:33,240 Bye! 421 00:21:33,460 --> 00:21:35,660 (Applause) 422 00:21:40,220 --> 00:21:42,260 (Applause) 423 00:21:44,860 --> 00:21:46,600 Hello, here we are again. 424 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:48,940 All of us just having a lovely old time. 425 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,760 - I always worry that I might have peaked, but I haven't peaked. 426 00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:53,300 Just to recap, 427 00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:56,740 They've been trying to make the best egg timer, 428 00:21:56,740 --> 00:21:58,240 without using any timing devices. 429 00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:00,540 Now we're gonna look at the Ed timer. 430 00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:04,380 - I want you to be the timing device. 431 00:22:04,700 --> 00:22:07,120 I want you to put a Malteser in your mouth 432 00:22:07,420 --> 00:22:09,240 every second for six minutes. 433 00:22:09,460 --> 00:22:11,180 - Every second? - Every second. 434 00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:13,880 - That's 360 Maltesers. 435 00:22:14,780 --> 00:22:16,360 - Oh, no we'll change it up every minute. 436 00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:18,260 And we'll dress you as an egg. 437 00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:21,060 (Audience laughter) 438 00:23:04,120 --> 00:23:05,280 - That's huge. 439 00:23:16,180 --> 00:23:17,340 Oh, it's pale. 440 00:23:20,340 --> 00:23:22,840 (Applause) 441 00:23:23,300 --> 00:23:24,360 He's not happy. 442 00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:26,140 - What are you not happy with, mate? 443 00:23:26,140 --> 00:23:28,180 - I gave very clear instructions, 444 00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:30,660 to eat one of those things every second. 445 00:23:30,660 --> 00:23:32,080 and that would have been exactly six minutes, 446 00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:33,520 which is the perfect soft boiled egg. 447 00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:35,580 So he must have lagged behind on the eating speed. 448 00:23:35,580 --> 00:23:36,660 - Oh. - (Snorts) 449 00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:40,900 I did one item every four seconds. Which is not bad. 450 00:23:40,900 --> 00:23:43,320 - You did it four times as long as I specified. 451 00:23:43,460 --> 00:23:46,000 - It's impossible. - One, two, three 452 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:47,800 four, five, six, seven. 453 00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:50,340 - They've got to go somewhere, they've got to go somewhere. 454 00:23:50,500 --> 00:23:52,560 - It's not rocket science, mate. 455 00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:57,000 - It took 28 seconds longer than David's, 456 00:23:57,020 --> 00:23:59,060 18 minutes and 32 seconds. 457 00:23:59,060 --> 00:24:01,820 We're gonna see how Katy got on next. Here we go. 458 00:24:02,660 --> 00:24:03,960 It's quite a big egg timer. 459 00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:06,680 - Yeah well, it's quite-- it's quite a big egg. 460 00:24:09,060 --> 00:24:10,220 Look it's twitching. 461 00:24:11,500 --> 00:24:12,700 - Okay. - Alright? 462 00:24:13,340 --> 00:24:14,240 Good. 463 00:24:14,540 --> 00:24:16,300 - Thank you for your egg timer. - Thank you. 464 00:24:31,260 --> 00:24:32,860 - Woooo, it's cold! 465 00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:36,000 Oh my God! 466 00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:48,680 It's like I'm being stamped in the head. 467 00:25:00,120 --> 00:25:01,360 There is a bit of give, 468 00:25:01,660 --> 00:25:02,760 but I wouldn't call it runny. 469 00:25:03,620 --> 00:25:06,160 (Applause) 470 00:25:07,140 --> 00:25:08,240 - Best so far, though. 471 00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:09,840 - It was the best egg so far, you're right. 472 00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:12,580 - And now how did you enjoy the Chinese tap torture? 473 00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:14,420 - No, it was horrible. 474 00:25:14,500 --> 00:25:16,740 - I can see you were genuinely distressed. - Yeah, I was. 475 00:25:16,740 --> 00:25:19,640 - I don't mind telling you it game me a weird happy feeling in my tummy. 476 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,580 - Can I ask some questions about Katy's choices? 477 00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:25,400 Umm, why did we need the fish? 478 00:25:26,360 --> 00:25:27,920 - I think that it was just a bit of finesse. 479 00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,740 But now that you've brought it up, I feel like I'm gonna mark Katy down. 480 00:25:30,740 --> 00:25:32,720 - No, no, no. No. 481 00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:34,080 - It was very inventive. 482 00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:35,960 It was very inventive. I think, push that. 483 00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:37,380 - It was really inventive. 484 00:25:37,380 --> 00:25:40,400 - It was the same system as David's really, but just slightly better executed. 485 00:25:40,700 --> 00:25:43,380 - Well, that's not very nice, I didn't fucking torture you. 486 00:25:43,500 --> 00:25:45,640 (Laughter) 487 00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:47,180 - Do you want to see Rose's attempt? 488 00:25:51,020 --> 00:25:52,580 - Dear Alex, 489 00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:54,020 - I'm not the Taskmaster. 490 00:25:54,020 --> 00:25:55,840 - Oh, it's Taskmaster, shit. 491 00:25:57,440 --> 00:25:58,740 - Oh, lovely. 492 00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:00,200 - It's my egg timer. 493 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:02,420 - It's a lovely egg timer. - Thanks, enjoy it. 494 00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:06,020 - "Dear Taskmaster, here are some instructions. 495 00:26:06,020 --> 00:26:07,800 "Bring a pot of water to the boil. 496 00:26:08,360 --> 00:26:09,940 "Reduce to simmer. 497 00:26:10,860 --> 00:26:13,080 "Then place your egg into pot. 498 00:26:14,700 --> 00:26:16,780 "Light all five candles on the cake. 499 00:26:17,360 --> 00:26:19,040 "When most of the candles 500 00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:21,500 "burn out to be flush with the cake top, 501 00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:24,420 "take your egg and place it in cold, cold water." 502 00:26:28,420 --> 00:26:31,280 Most of the candles are flush with the cake. 503 00:26:36,660 --> 00:26:38,440 He likes it runny, but not too runny. 504 00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:44,000 - [Audience] Oohhhhhh. 505 00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:47,900 - Happy egg day. 506 00:26:48,060 --> 00:26:50,420 (Applause) 507 00:26:51,300 --> 00:26:53,680 - Does it say a lot about me that my first thought was 508 00:26:53,900 --> 00:26:56,140 she'll be making him eat that whole cake in five minutes. 509 00:26:56,220 --> 00:26:58,380 (Laughter) 510 00:27:00,300 --> 00:27:02,160 - You know your way around a boiled egg don't you? 511 00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:04,980 - I do. - I'll tell you why it's because that noise, 512 00:27:05,120 --> 00:27:07,740 That "Oohhhh", is the sound 513 00:27:07,740 --> 00:27:10,200 of a room full of adults... 514 00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:14,380 being excited by a boiled egg. 515 00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:17,860 I didnt' know the ice thing. 516 00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:20,440 - Yeah, it stops it cooking, it stops it cooking. 517 00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:22,780 - I mean really Rose, genuinely impressive. - Ah, thanks. 518 00:27:22,900 --> 00:27:25,220 One more. - Okay finally, because she's 519 00:27:25,300 --> 00:27:27,700 the only one we've not seen yet, it's Jo Brand. 520 00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:30,440 I'll put the egg in the cold water. 521 00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:37,120 "Just before it's boiling, call Jo Brand." 522 00:27:45,380 --> 00:27:48,120 - (Jo sings) "And did those feet 523 00:27:48,120 --> 00:27:51,400 "in ancient time 524 00:27:51,580 --> 00:27:53,640 "walk upon England's 525 00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:56,940 "mountains green? 526 00:27:56,960 --> 00:28:00,320 "And was the holy 527 00:28:00,340 --> 00:28:02,580 "Lamb of God 528 00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:05,080 "in England's pleasant 529 00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:07,560 "pastures seen?" 530 00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:13,540 (Audience laughter) 531 00:28:14,180 --> 00:28:17,680 "And was Jerusalem 532 00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:20,000 "builded here 533 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:22,080 "among these dark 534 00:28:22,100 --> 00:28:25,820 "satanic mills?" 535 00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:29,460 (Yells) Neeeeeeeeehhhhh 536 00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:34,900 - [Audience] Ohhhhhh. 537 00:28:35,120 --> 00:28:36,000 - It's runny. 538 00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:38,140 I don't think it's too runny. 539 00:28:38,620 --> 00:28:41,160 (Applause) 540 00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:45,480 - That looked like a pretty sweet egg, to me. 541 00:28:46,300 --> 00:28:48,760 And how wonderful, after all these years 542 00:28:48,860 --> 00:28:50,600 for you to find 543 00:28:50,700 --> 00:28:52,680 the missing William Blake lyric. 544 00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:54,500 - The one that went "neehh neh nehh"! 545 00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:56,260 (Laughter) 546 00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:58,840 - I don't know what you want to do points wise. 547 00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:00,680 - Well it's pretty obvious isn't it? - Oh. 548 00:29:03,340 --> 00:29:04,660 - We'll give Ed one point. 549 00:29:04,740 --> 00:29:06,820 Two to David, three to Katy. 550 00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:10,120 And I'm gonna award a top spot, - Yes. 551 00:29:10,140 --> 00:29:13,640 - To the egg that I visually approved of, 552 00:29:14,060 --> 00:29:15,320 the greatest. 553 00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:17,900 And that, was Jo Brand's. 554 00:29:17,940 --> 00:29:19,900 - So, it's another five points to Jo Brand. 555 00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:22,920 (Applause) 556 00:29:23,280 --> 00:29:25,040 - One more task, just one more. 557 00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:26,320 - Yes, but shhhh please. 558 00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:28,400 Heads down, not talking. Thank you. 559 00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:33,200 (Taskmaster task ditty) 560 00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:41,460 - Oh, hello. - Hello. 561 00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:43,860 - Hello. - There's a nice man in here, Jo. 562 00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:45,680 - We don't know if he's nice yet. 563 00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:47,460 - He looks nice. - Oh yeah, you look nice. 564 00:29:47,460 --> 00:29:49,120 Nice hair. - Lovely hair, yeah. 565 00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:50,640 - Should we spit out our chewing gum? 566 00:29:50,640 --> 00:29:53,300 - We've all got chewy-- - I swallowed mine, sorry. 567 00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:57,480 - You swallowed yours? - Seven years bad luck. 568 00:29:57,480 --> 00:29:59,260 I know. - Not it's not that it's just-- 569 00:30:00,180 --> 00:30:01,960 - Would either of you want to take this? 570 00:30:02,300 --> 00:30:03,640 - May I? - You may. 571 00:30:03,980 --> 00:30:04,940 - Thank you. 572 00:30:05,060 --> 00:30:06,420 - "Get to know this person. 573 00:30:06,420 --> 00:30:09,340 "You will be tested on your knowledge of this person, in 10 minutes time. 574 00:30:09,500 --> 00:30:11,200 "You may not write anything down, or leave the lab..." 575 00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:12,840 Oh it's a memory thing, which is bad for us. 576 00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:15,700 - "You must take it in turns to ask completely different questions." 577 00:30:15,900 --> 00:30:19,240 - "The person will tell the truth, lie, then brag 578 00:30:20,020 --> 00:30:24,020 "in that order, but not necessarily starting with the truth. " 579 00:30:24,220 --> 00:30:26,120 - "The person will tell the truth, 580 00:30:26,260 --> 00:30:28,940 "lie, then brag in that order, 581 00:30:29,500 --> 00:30:31,680 "but not necessarily starting with the truth." 582 00:30:31,900 --> 00:30:33,400 - What's the final like on the task? 583 00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:35,060 - Uhh "your task starts now." 584 00:30:35,500 --> 00:30:37,700 (Applause) 585 00:30:40,780 --> 00:30:43,000 - It's all about them creating a system, the teams. 586 00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:44,560 - Oh yeah? - To crack the code. 587 00:30:44,580 --> 00:30:46,240 Do you want to see their revision process? 588 00:30:46,380 --> 00:30:47,400 - Yes please. - Here it is. 589 00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:49,640 - I would like to see their revision process. - The revision process, here we go. 590 00:30:49,780 --> 00:30:51,840 - I'm gonna ask him if he's sitting on a chair, 591 00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:53,400 to see if he's telling the truth or not. 592 00:30:53,540 --> 00:30:55,240 - Okay. - So, are you sitting on a chair? 593 00:30:55,260 --> 00:30:56,040 - No. 594 00:30:56,180 --> 00:30:57,280 - Okay, great. 595 00:30:57,320 --> 00:30:59,440 Okay, so the next will be a brag. 596 00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:01,560 - What's your name? - Carlos Edwards. 597 00:31:01,580 --> 00:31:02,780 - Carlos Edwards. 598 00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:04,060 - What do you do? 599 00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:07,320 - I'm a modern day Jesus Christ. 600 00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:09,960 - That sounds like a brag to me. - I think that's true. 601 00:31:11,720 --> 00:31:12,820 - What's your name? 602 00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:14,600 - It's Gareth Simon Calian. 603 00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:16,620 Which is, probably the best name you can imagine. 604 00:31:16,660 --> 00:31:18,000 - So, now it's the truth. 605 00:31:18,100 --> 00:31:19,980 May I ask, what do you do for a living? 606 00:31:20,140 --> 00:31:21,560 - I'm a professional magician. 607 00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:23,140 - What's your job? 608 00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:26,040 - I'm training to be a doctor. 609 00:31:26,140 --> 00:31:28,580 - Did you go to university? 610 00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:30,880 - I didn't, but I've learned a hell of a lot more in life 611 00:31:30,880 --> 00:31:33,000 then I would have ever learned at university. - Great brag. 612 00:31:34,500 --> 00:31:36,080 - You're always truth. - Thank you. 613 00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:37,760 - What's your greatest fear? 614 00:31:37,980 --> 00:31:39,720 - The deep ocean. 615 00:31:39,980 --> 00:31:42,160 As in, being plonked right in the middle of the ocean. 616 00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:43,460 - Being plonked in the middle of it. 617 00:31:43,580 --> 00:31:44,860 - How old are you? 618 00:31:44,980 --> 00:31:45,980 - Nearly 40. 619 00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:47,840 - Have you ever had any therapy? 620 00:31:49,320 --> 00:31:50,880 - You're really getting to know me there. 621 00:31:51,780 --> 00:31:53,120 - I'm just doing my task. 622 00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:55,760 - Do you live in a flat? 623 00:31:56,200 --> 00:31:58,600 - I live in a three storey house, on a farm. 624 00:31:58,760 --> 00:32:01,600 - Do you live with some farmers? - No. 625 00:32:02,060 --> 00:32:03,800 - Do you farm? - Yes. 626 00:32:04,020 --> 00:32:06,020 - He's a doctor and a farmer? - Yes. 627 00:32:06,120 --> 00:32:07,380 - So there's some lying that's gone on. 628 00:32:07,380 --> 00:32:10,360 - I've never seen someone on a tractor looking that out of gear. 629 00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:11,760 - Have you worked out a system yet, you two? 630 00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:13,440 - Is there a system? Are we meant to know the system? 631 00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:15,200 - Yeah we are, but we're not using it. 632 00:32:15,340 --> 00:32:16,880 Have you ever been in a play? 633 00:32:17,260 --> 00:32:18,560 - Do you get on with your parents? 634 00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:20,740 - You're getting to the deep stuff. - Yeah, well. 635 00:32:20,740 --> 00:32:22,580 - Have you ever been to Penge? 636 00:32:23,300 --> 00:32:24,660 - Umm yes. 637 00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:26,420 - Do you have a library card? - Yes. 638 00:32:26,580 --> 00:32:27,980 - What do you do? 639 00:32:27,980 --> 00:32:29,080 - I'm a magician. 640 00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:31,520 - Uhh, that sounds true to me. - Yeah. 641 00:32:31,580 --> 00:32:33,500 - So what is it? Truth, - Lie, brag. 642 00:32:33,620 --> 00:32:34,900 - 20 seconds left. 643 00:32:36,620 --> 00:32:37,840 - Do you have any tattoos? 644 00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:39,260 - Yes, I do have tattoos. 645 00:32:39,420 --> 00:32:40,640 - What's your best trick? 646 00:32:40,860 --> 00:32:42,700 - My best trick is a stage trick, 647 00:32:42,700 --> 00:32:44,860 where-by I end up taking my clothes off. 648 00:32:44,860 --> 00:32:46,540 I'm on stage wearing women's underwear. 649 00:32:47,060 --> 00:32:48,300 - I think that's not true. 650 00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:50,500 - Is that a brag? - It's a strange brag. 651 00:32:50,700 --> 00:32:51,900 (Whistle blows.) 652 00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:55,540 - Please leave the lab and head over to the exam area. 653 00:32:56,100 --> 00:32:57,680 - It was only really, really late in the day 654 00:32:57,680 --> 00:32:59,600 that I realised we were supposed to have a system. 655 00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:00,980 Cheers. 656 00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:04,180 - Nice to meet you. - Pleasure to meet you Gareth Simon Calian. 657 00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:05,680 - That's odd that you know my full name. 658 00:33:05,680 --> 00:33:06,820 - Goodbye magician. 659 00:33:07,080 --> 00:33:10,120 - So we were supposed to actually find out real stuff about him. 660 00:33:10,420 --> 00:33:12,760 (Laughter) 661 00:33:13,340 --> 00:33:15,720 (Applause) 662 00:33:17,340 --> 00:33:20,200 - It seemed to me Jo, you worked out there was supposed to be a system 663 00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:23,060 fairly early on, and chose not to pursue one. 664 00:33:24,180 --> 00:33:26,780 - I just wanted to try and guess instinctively, 665 00:33:26,860 --> 00:33:28,760 to see if I had the power. 666 00:33:30,300 --> 00:33:31,500 - I like Katy's way. 667 00:33:31,500 --> 00:33:33,900 She was like "have you had therapy? Do you like your mum?" 668 00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:37,300 - I mean, she really got stuck into it, didn't she? 669 00:33:37,700 --> 00:33:39,240 And he looked genuinely uncomfortable. 670 00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:42,320 - Totally he was, he was kinda like "I kinda revealed too much of myself." 671 00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:43,540 - I thought I was gonna come here, 672 00:33:43,540 --> 00:33:45,900 and someone was gonna ask me if I'd ever been to fucking Penge. 673 00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:48,080 (Laughter) 674 00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:51,960 There's an exam coming up, in the final part of the show. 675 00:33:51,980 --> 00:33:54,700 Plus, someone will win the powdered remains 676 00:33:54,700 --> 00:33:57,260 of David Baddiel's dead cat, Monkey. 677 00:33:57,620 --> 00:33:59,040 Yes please! 678 00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:02,160 (Applause) 679 00:34:06,020 --> 00:34:08,180 (Applause) 680 00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:12,680 Hello! 681 00:34:13,020 --> 00:34:15,880 Welcome back to Taskmaster, for the umpteenth time. 682 00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:18,080 - Well, it's the 275th time actually. 683 00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:19,480 That's not including the first ever hello, 684 00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:21,480 as that wasn't a welcome back, that was just a welcome. 685 00:34:21,540 --> 00:34:24,560 Before the break, the two teams have been swotting up for an exam, 686 00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:27,200 on our mysterious guest. 687 00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:29,920 And now it's time for that exam. Good luck, teams. 688 00:34:30,980 --> 00:34:33,480 (Taskmaster task ditty) 689 00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:38,560 - Hello, mate! - Ohh. 690 00:34:38,560 --> 00:34:39,820 - Shh, please have a seat. 691 00:34:40,060 --> 00:34:41,420 Please have a seat. 692 00:34:42,140 --> 00:34:43,300 - You're a bit high up. 693 00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:45,000 - You're a bit low down. 694 00:34:46,420 --> 00:34:47,780 Welcome to the exam. 695 00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:49,920 You may confer, 696 00:34:50,060 --> 00:34:52,740 - Okay. - but I will then only accept your first answer. 697 00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:55,140 The exam will last a maximum of 10 minutes, 698 00:34:56,100 --> 00:34:56,880 from now. 699 00:34:57,160 --> 00:34:59,780 Question one, what is your name? 700 00:34:59,980 --> 00:35:01,740 - Gareth Simon Calian. 701 00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:03,520 - What is the person's name? 702 00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:05,500 - Gareth Simon Calian. 703 00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:07,460 - Well, he gave us one name, which was Carlos Edwards. 704 00:35:07,460 --> 00:35:09,720 It's the only time he gave us a name. - Yeah, let's use that then. 705 00:35:09,760 --> 00:35:11,560 Carlos - Edwards. 706 00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:14,340 - What is your occupation? 707 00:35:14,340 --> 00:35:15,960 - I am a professional magician. 708 00:35:16,060 --> 00:35:18,160 - I think he is a magician. - I agree. 709 00:35:18,340 --> 00:35:19,520 - Magician. 710 00:35:19,580 --> 00:35:21,340 - What is the person's age? 711 00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:23,120 - I don't think we asked. 712 00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:25,580 - He's a magician. - We know if he's done therapy or not. 713 00:35:25,580 --> 00:35:26,980 Why didn't we ask him about that? 714 00:35:28,140 --> 00:35:29,580 - What is your age? 715 00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:31,300 - I am 39 years old. 716 00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:33,200 - Should we guess? - Should we take a guess? 717 00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:34,580 - 36 718 00:35:34,660 --> 00:35:36,300 - I think he's had some work done. 719 00:35:36,340 --> 00:35:37,780 - Has he had work done? 720 00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:39,880 Should we go for 42, it's the only number-- 721 00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:41,480 - Yeah, let's go for 42. 722 00:35:42,100 --> 00:35:44,600 - What are you most frightened of? 723 00:35:44,800 --> 00:35:48,000 - Being completely submerged in the deep ocean. 724 00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:50,260 - Being plonked in the middle of the deep ocean. 725 00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:53,360 - Final question, what is the person's party trick? 726 00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:54,520 Please do the trick. 727 00:35:54,940 --> 00:35:56,640 You've got three minutes 50 seconds. 728 00:35:59,840 --> 00:36:01,240 - He doesn't really get on with is parents, 729 00:36:01,240 --> 00:36:03,440 will that be coming up at any point in the exam? 730 00:36:04,100 --> 00:36:07,260 - He said something about being onstage in women's underwear. 731 00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:10,660 - He did say that, which isn't really a party trick. 732 00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:13,120 - Well, I'm not doing that, have you got women's underwear on? 733 00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:15,420 - Of the two of us, you're the one with women's underwear on. 734 00:36:15,420 --> 00:36:17,540 - We're not doing that trick. - You're not doing that trick? 735 00:36:17,540 --> 00:36:19,720 - No, 'cause I don't want to show you my underwear. 736 00:36:19,720 --> 00:36:22,480 Because obviously I haven't got my car crash underwear on. 737 00:36:23,180 --> 00:36:24,380 - You've got two minutes 20-- 738 00:36:24,380 --> 00:36:25,980 - This is our party trick. - This is the party trick? 739 00:36:25,980 --> 00:36:28,280 - This is our party trick, it's to talk about pants. 740 00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:29,880 - Our answer is a physical offer. 741 00:36:32,120 --> 00:36:34,660 - He does it seven times, and then he stops. 742 00:36:34,860 --> 00:36:36,880 - What is your party trick? 743 00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:38,780 - I can make my tongue really big. 744 00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:47,720 (Audience laughter) 745 00:36:49,060 --> 00:36:51,520 (Applause) 746 00:36:53,720 --> 00:36:55,660 - Uh Jo, what's car crash underwear? 747 00:36:55,920 --> 00:36:59,420 - It's the sort of underwear, that all women are supposed to wear 748 00:36:59,420 --> 00:37:01,620 just incase you're in a car crash. 749 00:37:01,720 --> 00:37:04,440 And then you're lying on the table in AandE and 750 00:37:04,580 --> 00:37:06,380 it's not like the grey ones 751 00:37:06,380 --> 00:37:08,840 that have got, what looks like custard on them. 752 00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:11,820 - Steady on, Jo. 753 00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:15,580 I'm trying to present a show here, I don't want to get turned on. 754 00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:19,420 - We know why you'll be in the car crash, 'cause you're singing Jerusalem. 755 00:37:21,220 --> 00:37:22,080 Ahhhhh! 756 00:37:22,080 --> 00:37:23,700 - Yeeaahhh! 757 00:37:23,820 --> 00:37:26,120 -No like this, "Ni ni ni ni nini" 758 00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:28,320 That's how you sing Jerusalem. 759 00:37:28,560 --> 00:37:29,900 - Do you want to tell them what to scores are? 760 00:37:29,900 --> 00:37:31,760 - Well, the team of two got one and a half right, 761 00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:33,440 the team of three got three and a half right. 762 00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:35,460 - But we were at a disadvantage. 763 00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:37,220 The right answer 764 00:37:37,260 --> 00:37:39,460 fell on the same person every time in there team, 765 00:37:39,460 --> 00:37:42,040 'cause there were three, so it was easier to work out. 766 00:37:42,700 --> 00:37:45,740 We didn't have a system, because there were only two of us. 767 00:37:45,740 --> 00:37:47,320 - That's not why you didn't have a system. 768 00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:50,460 - You didn't have a system, because you just walked in, 769 00:37:50,460 --> 00:37:52,280 didn't give a fuck, and then left again! 770 00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:55,560 - That was our disadvantage. 771 00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:57,640 (Applause) 772 00:37:58,040 --> 00:37:59,900 - As there was, in the end 773 00:37:59,900 --> 00:38:02,220 a two point gulf between the two teams. 774 00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:04,500 So, I'm going to give Jo and David two points, 775 00:38:04,500 --> 00:38:05,480 - Two points, to the team of two. 776 00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:08,020 - And I'm going to give Ed, Rose and Katy four points. 777 00:38:08,020 --> 00:38:09,720 - Okay, four points to the team of three. 778 00:38:10,700 --> 00:38:12,940 (Applause) 779 00:38:14,060 --> 00:38:15,640 - Well, I've got some news for you. 780 00:38:15,860 --> 00:38:18,160 Because for the first time this series, 781 00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:20,120 I'm offering up a bonus point. 782 00:38:21,100 --> 00:38:23,360 Do you want to tell-- - They were more excited about the egg. 783 00:38:23,520 --> 00:38:26,100 (Laughter) 784 00:38:26,720 --> 00:38:30,100 - It goes to the team member who best replicates 785 00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:31,700 the magicians big tongue. 786 00:38:32,260 --> 00:38:34,180 (Laughter) 787 00:38:35,260 --> 00:38:37,200 - It's not coming out, why is it not coming out? 788 00:38:37,340 --> 00:38:39,460 - Why can't you get your tongue out your mouth? 789 00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:44,060 - Jo's is pretty strong. 790 00:38:44,340 --> 00:38:46,720 (Applause) 791 00:38:48,500 --> 00:38:51,140 - I'm going to give the bonus point 792 00:38:51,500 --> 00:38:52,960 to Jo Brand. 793 00:38:52,960 --> 00:38:54,700 - Jo Brand gets a bonus point for her massive tongue. 794 00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:57,500 (Applause) 795 00:38:59,300 --> 00:39:00,280 - Scores then. 796 00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:03,640 - It's tight at the top, Katy and Kerry, second place with 14, 797 00:39:03,660 --> 00:39:06,000 but Jo's in the lead with 16 points. - Yes! 798 00:39:06,220 --> 00:39:08,200 (Applause) 799 00:39:09,060 --> 00:39:10,660 Alright competitors, 800 00:39:10,660 --> 00:39:12,460 please make your way to the stage 801 00:39:12,540 --> 00:39:14,540 for the final task of the show. 802 00:39:15,900 --> 00:39:19,420 (Cheering and applause) 803 00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:28,860 That all looks pretty straight forward, let's play. 804 00:39:30,660 --> 00:39:33,380 Who's reading out the task? - Ed Gamble please, today. 805 00:39:33,380 --> 00:39:34,420 - Okay. 806 00:39:36,360 --> 00:39:39,400 "Looking at your mirror and facing forward at all times, 807 00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:42,440 "build the highest tower of bricks on the table behind you. 808 00:39:42,580 --> 00:39:44,300 "You must stay on your spot, 809 00:39:44,380 --> 00:39:46,820 "and use your litter-pickers at all times. 810 00:39:47,180 --> 00:39:50,160 "Highest tower after two minutes, wins." 811 00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:52,960 - Okay, you've got two minutes starting (blows whistle). 812 00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:57,440 You must be, you must be facing forward. 813 00:39:58,500 --> 00:39:59,260 - Ohh. 814 00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:03,140 - Oh, oh! 815 00:40:03,140 --> 00:40:05,000 Please face forward, please face forward. 816 00:40:05,520 --> 00:40:07,260 Face forward! Face forward please. 817 00:40:07,260 --> 00:40:09,000 - Face forward please! 818 00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:12,240 You're doing this for Katy. 819 00:40:12,960 --> 00:40:14,480 - Which is my table? 820 00:40:18,980 --> 00:40:21,340 (Audience cheering) 821 00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:37,400 - Ow, somebody just hit me on the bum. 822 00:40:37,400 --> 00:40:39,880 - 40 seconds left, 40 seconds. 823 00:40:40,020 --> 00:40:41,460 - Not intentionally. 824 00:40:49,700 --> 00:40:52,380 - He's clutching his mirror, no one said you couldn't clutch your mirror. 825 00:40:56,980 --> 00:40:59,300 It's neck and neck, Rose and Ed now with 10 seconds to go. 826 00:40:59,520 --> 00:41:01,120 - Fuck you, Matafeo. 827 00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:03,860 - Go on, Rose. 828 00:41:04,640 --> 00:41:05,760 (Whistle blows) 829 00:41:08,600 --> 00:41:09,960 - She's still going. 830 00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:12,020 That was after the whistle. 831 00:41:13,320 --> 00:41:15,260 - We'll work out how that's affected the final scores. 832 00:41:15,260 --> 00:41:17,100 Come down here and join me. 833 00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:21,440 (Cheering and applause) 834 00:41:24,920 --> 00:41:27,380 Well everybody had a great time up there, didn't they? 835 00:41:27,500 --> 00:41:28,960 They really enjoyed themselves. 836 00:41:28,960 --> 00:41:30,420 - Well, the controversy was, 837 00:41:30,420 --> 00:41:33,240 we saw Ed Gamble stacked a mighty two bricks 838 00:41:33,240 --> 00:41:34,440 on top of each other. - Yes. 839 00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:37,280 - At one point, Rose Matafeo also had two. - Yeah. 840 00:41:37,340 --> 00:41:39,780 - Well, I freeze framed the moment when the whistle blew 841 00:41:39,780 --> 00:41:41,700 and I can show it to you now. 842 00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:44,420 She has two stacked. 843 00:41:44,460 --> 00:41:46,700 - It's pretty clear, I'm willing to-- look, I'm just-- 844 00:41:46,780 --> 00:41:48,580 I've had a very rough episode. 845 00:41:49,080 --> 00:41:51,020 - You had a full blown tantrum. 846 00:41:51,020 --> 00:41:52,840 - Quite rightly-- You're not even in this show! 847 00:41:52,980 --> 00:41:55,120 (Laughter) 848 00:41:55,320 --> 00:41:57,760 (Applause) 849 00:41:58,540 --> 00:42:00,100 - Go on. - Yes sorry, sorry. 850 00:42:00,100 --> 00:42:01,300 - See your final scoreboard. 851 00:42:01,300 --> 00:42:03,380 - So with a total of one brick that way up, 852 00:42:03,380 --> 00:42:05,280 David and Kerry both get two points, 853 00:42:05,280 --> 00:42:06,440 so they come in joint fourth. 854 00:42:06,460 --> 00:42:09,220 One brick that way up, Jo Brand gets three points. 855 00:42:09,280 --> 00:42:11,740 Two that way up, joint winners with five points 856 00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:13,280 Rose and Ed Gamble! 857 00:42:13,680 --> 00:42:15,900 (Applause) 858 00:42:19,140 --> 00:42:21,500 Which means that Rose has extended her lead, 859 00:42:21,540 --> 00:42:24,080 in the over-all leader board with 88 points. 860 00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:26,700 Followed by Ed on 82, Katy on 80. 861 00:42:26,740 --> 00:42:29,680 Jo on 77, and then David on 65 862 00:42:30,820 --> 00:42:33,400 - But, who's won tonight's episode? 863 00:42:33,460 --> 00:42:35,460 - First time winner, with 19 points 864 00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:37,520 it's Jo Brand! 865 00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:39,360 (Cheering) 866 00:42:40,300 --> 00:42:42,340 - I've won the bloody sharps bin. 867 00:42:45,160 --> 00:42:47,900 - Jo Brand has won! 868 00:42:48,300 --> 00:42:51,100 Please go and dabble in your defunct... 869 00:42:52,020 --> 00:42:54,680 (Applause) 870 00:42:57,160 --> 00:43:00,040 So, what have we learned today? 871 00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:02,240 We've learned that if you find yourself tortured 872 00:43:02,240 --> 00:43:04,280 by life's existential questions, 873 00:43:04,300 --> 00:43:06,280 who are we? Why are we here? 874 00:43:06,280 --> 00:43:08,140 Well, I'm afraid I can't help you. 875 00:43:08,140 --> 00:43:09,880 But the one thing I can guarantee 876 00:43:09,900 --> 00:43:13,220 is that the answer to any of these questions, is not 877 00:43:13,380 --> 00:43:15,180 "tie another spoon on it." 878 00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:19,040 I'd like to say a huge thank you to Kerry Godliman, 879 00:43:19,100 --> 00:43:20,840 and get well soon, Katy. 880 00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:23,520 And let's have one more hurray for tonight's winner, 881 00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:25,680 Jo Brand!